MAN FUR!!!!

Can men's fashion get any more exciting??? I think when it comes to getting to the primal, heaving core of a man, nothing says "Man" quite like fur- just look at Fred Flintstone! Or Ringo Starr in "Caveman"- or any of the millions of people who used to live during the prehistoric age- they all wore fur and they were MANLY about it! I'm so glad the fashion runways have turned toward this timeless style- it's puffy and big and it's not like it hurts anybody or anything- so yeah! Yay! Go Fur! Get hella furry!! My favorite of this season has been Gianfranco Ferre who used lots and lots of fur- maybe he should change his name to Gianfranco Furre! Well, I'm a Ferre Bear now- that's for fur- I mean- for sure!! Here's a snap of his hottest, most primitive, most outdoorsy ensemble- love it! Everyone stop wearing fabric okay? It's all fur all the time for me! I'm gonna go skin a dog now and wear it on my face!

Grrrrr!!!!!

"I hear the birds of the city- outside they're working on the freeway"

All Hope Is Gone.

Yup- I'm talkin' bout the 2010 Fall collections currently showing- including loads of Menswear! In the great list of styles available to males we can now include Polar Explorer, Car Crash Victim and Big Tubby Giraffe Guy! Don't despair though- with the patented mind reading technology available to us here at BM2K we can actually read the thoughts of these poor models as they waddle down the runway. We've edited their thoughts down to exclude the "I thought being a male model was supposed to be cool!" that every one of them thought.
First up: the poor schmuck who had to break the Tubby Giraffe Guy look to the world for Armani- observe!



We also edited out his thoughts about why his shirt was all half-tucked in or whatever.
Next up: what will the modern eskimo be wearing on the slopes? Let's ask Thom Browne who can't seem to find pants that are long enough and his fetching models for Moncler Gamme Bleu- mon dieu!!




The real question I'd like to ask is where on Earth is cold enough to wear these things? Haven't they heard of Global Warming? Even people doing scientific research on the North Pole are like, "Hey, it's not that bad up here..." Maybe I'm just jealous because I always wanted a pair of moon boots. Is it cold enough on the moon? I dunno- look it up on Wikipedia or something.
Like Vanessa Williams I save the best for last- the twin geniuses of fashion who are Dsquared2 somehow brewed up a car crash/slasher film aesthetic for the modern man- complete with fake blood! Or maybe there was just a terrible fight backstage? Here's my fave-

Poor fella! At least you still have your self-respect... err...
Let's see D & D do their victory lap with what I'm guessing is Adam Lambert as some kind of fetish bird of paradise- yum!

Sorry you idiots he's in love with me! I like the pink triangles on the surgeons scrubs too- very... conceptual.
Tune in next week for more fashion week posts hot off the sidewalk! I'm gonna go hang myself now.

What To Wear pt.1

As a dude, most of the available styles equate instant douche-ness. Pretty much whatever way you go, you're hosed- overdo it and you're a Euro-douche in a bedazzled muscle shirt & hairgel- under-do it & you're a totally unremarkable scuzz-douche in sweats and a t-shirt that's too big. The best looks always come from the sub-cultures: metal, punk & reggae are the few reliable looks a guy can wear. Which is ironic because the only way to look authentic is to actually be authentic. Dig, a girl can change her look to snare a different dude but a dude has to find a look & stick with it. This implies a manly set of "core values"- if a dude is committed enough to grow long hair (or dreads) then he probably has some kind of spine in other matters as well. Feel free to discuss the long haired douche-bag in the comments. Meanwhile, all the best looks (and music) are already taken by the Rastas. Adding religion to your look is an instant bonus- just peep those dramatic habits worn by nuns! The Rastafarians of the Jamaican 70s had the messianic zeal look down pat- despite coming from enormously impoverished surroundings. So you wanna know what to wear & what to hear, listen no farther than the Musical Intimidator himself, Tapper Zukie. Here he is sipping chalice with the members of Knowledge (who's song "Zion" is a stone cold classic) in 1977 in Zukie's yard:


Dude on the right is so high his fly is still down on Earth but Zukie there in the middle is the spliff controller and looking every bit the top ranking producer.
Here's one more of Zukie in action- implausible as it sounds, he can sport the vest, hat, suit & all because he has Jah on his side. Truth is poor dudes know how to dress because something like a good suit is a really big deal. Slumming & 'downward mobility' aren't real popular in de ghetto. Seen?

And while you're here, give Zukie a spin on the Youtube- he sings (and dresses) with the conviction of a true believer. The Rastas look good because they're on a mission from God!


Escape from hell! Chant down Babylon!

What To Continue Not Wearing (part 2)

What's up with all the sweaters in high fashion these days? When I started a fashion blog I though I'd be all inundated with bondage gear & high heels- instead everyone (okay- NY Mag & style.com) is writing me about sweaters! Is this some kind of return to our rootsy, hand-made, poverty stricken national origins? I dunno but style.com was flippin a shit about the Proenza Schouler ski sweater collection- observe!

Wow! Getting pretty sexy out there! I once wore this to "da club" and someone asked me where my skis were- or maybe it was my "skeeze" anyway- I wondered how it would look "off the rack" and called in my faithful sweater model Tony Makem- maybe you've heard of him...

I dunno man, I'm still not feelin' it. A little further net-inquiry confirmed my suspicion that this aint no man-sweater after all- high fashion, like Secret deodorant, is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

So there you have it- no hopes for the slopes for me this year! Also, God, can't they find a skinny model? That girl is probably what, a size 1/2? God what a lard-ball.

What Not To Wear pt. 1

Saw that facionable enfant terribles Rodart are applying their shreddy/futuristic sense now to the wild frontier of men's sweaters- thank God! I was worried I'd hafta look like one of the Clancy brothers again at Christmas-

Don't get me wrong, I love the Clancy brothers (and Tony Makem) (and Christmas.)
What will the web-savvy, fashion forward son-in-law be wearing next Christmas? Well, clearly the aesthetic involves dragging Bill Cosby (or at least one of his sweaters) behind a bus for a few blocks!

At least they get points for having a model with neck tats and they call the line "Brodarte"- so that's kind of encouraging. Plus it introduces nipples into the heretofore nipple-less world of mens sweaters. So, we'll call it a draw.
What shall the net-enabled metrosexual male be wearing over his sweater? How about embroidered suit jackets by Dolce & Gabanna? Uhhh- do I have to?

So I guess that'll be like Reservoir Dogs meets Showgirls? The only one vaguely decent to me is the fella on the far right but that's probably only because his gold lame' sweater looks like a dookie chain from here- living proof that the only styles that a man can realistically wear are: skater, rude boy or hip hop.
According to this logic, the only man out there who can fulfill all three requirements (with an added reggae bonus)- is none other than SEAN PAUL!

There you have it- don't say I haven't given you anything this year. I'll be coasting for the next 11 months now. Happy 2011 when it comes!