Photoshop Phun

Starring Gnome Chomsky and Brian Emo!


Can a record of heartfelt linguistic angst be far behind???

More cover concepts

For the upcoming Strangers rec.

still needs work?

Bunnyhenge Lost & Found

As co-consiprator for Bunnyhenge Festival of the Rising Sun to Raise Awareness, I would like to thank everyone involved for making it such a warbling success. We couldn’t have done it without you- or we could have but there would have been fewer people. As former stage manager, I must alert everyone to the objects left behind in our Lost and Found section. Please alert me via internet to claim prizes.
*One large Tupperware container, possibly related to the silverware found nearby. Contact me to correctly identify silverware pattern. Top of container says “PORK STEW” Container is empty. There is no pork stew inside. Call to claim.
*One very nice beach blanket. Festive teal segments dance across a white terry cloth towel, festooned with accents of turquoise and lavender. Perfect for trips to the beach, the river, anywhere!
*One random holder of some sort on a strap. Possibly a camera bag? Very small black and red pouch with velcro & zippers, Maybe some sort of tiny purse? Suitable for indoor or outdoor use, whatever it is. Adjustable strap.
*One pair mens shorts. Black denim, size medium. Cut off hems for extra comfort. Found in the bushes by recycling. Denim is a non-recyclable fabric. Approximately $300 cash in back pocket. Email to claim.

Just kidding.
*One very nice, knitted baby hat. Tan color with wide brown knit brim. Baby-appropriate soft texture I am assuming it is baby hat. Size very small. May belong to non-baby participant with very small head. Did you see a baby-size head man with no pants at Bunnyhenge? Call for price.
*One small BOSS guitar tuner. Light brown color, unknown vintage. Perfect for guitar or bass. Runs on 2 AA batteries with easy to read LED indicators. Possibly left at Bunnyhenge by a musician. Non musicians will be required to play a complete song on a guitar to claim tuner.
*Another one pair mens shorts. Black cut-off Calvin Klein brand. Very nice pants, comes with complementary matching black men’s underwear from Target, brand Merona. Underwear may be for black man or white man. Underwear color black. Pants very worn-in and are my size. I don’t think these are my pants. Found hanging over railing by balcony, possibly drying out. Please send plastic bag with a stamped, self-addressed envelope for safe return of underwear.

*One very large glass pipe. Giant potato-sized hand-blown glass pipe, original contents missing. Ergonomic design with spiraling, multicolored glass spirals. Possibly left at Bunnyhenge by a musician. (Not me) Probably someone’s favorite pipe. Contact via “the vibes” to ensure safe return.
*One maraca. Very rhythmic, black plastic maraca, possibly filled with dried beans. Emits crunchy sound when shaken. Professional quality. Quantity one. Was there a man not wearing two pairs of cut-offs or underwear with a baby head smoking out of tune and no Tupperware and a holder and one maraca at Bunnyhenge? Contact me.
*One hideous green blanket. Sickly, pale green color, covered in dirt and riddled with moth holes. Liberally sprinkled with burrs, cigarette burns and unspecified stains. An abomination to all things blanket-like. Identify via email to claim.

UPDATE!!! One pair mens shorts have been claimed. Unclear if the claimed shorts are the ones with the money in them or not- will decide and return shorts to original owner at our discretion.

Cover Roughs

For the upcoming Dazzling Strangers lp

It's Worse Than We Thought!!

OMG!!

Magellan galaxy & a friend

You Otto be in pictures

Space is the place

Fur-ious

So over the weekend I saw "The September Issue" and trooly I was glamorized by all the shiny objects and skinny people making big decisions. I've always associated fashion and rich snobs with New York and therefore with my youth & escapism. Even the couple of trips I'd made to New York City & my time as a resident of Manhattan were pretty glossy in an indie-rock kind of way. I never went to Brooklyn- I barely even made it out of the Village in my 2 months of living there! I subscribed to Vogue for a while when we moved out to the sticks and wrote a song for Anne Hathaway after seeing "The Devil Wears Prada". (It's called 'Annie' and is not about Anna Wintour.) That said, I even kinda dug Anna Wintour and her giant bob and tiny bird-like shoulders and relentless perfectionism. That is, until later in the weekend as I fell asleep during a pretty-heavy pot cookie buzz. It came to me out of the dim visuals I was having on the couch: Anna Wintour loves FUR. Anna Wintour is probably the biggest fur advocate on the planet (excluding bears & tigers & stuff like that.) Anna Wintour is an advocate of trapping, killing and skinning countless animals for a completely frivolous product. Fur is inhumane on all levels. Whether the animals are considered endangered or not is beside the point. The fur trade causes unnecessary suffering for animals all over the planet. Fur is the ultimate extension of vanity eclipsing compassion. It's not warmer than modern synthetic fabrics- when professional mountain climbers or search-and-rescue teams go to work in arctic environments, they don't wear fur. It's a neurotic extension of humanity's desire to hold dominion over the natural world. In the wild, animals kill each other and eat each other but they don't parade around in the skin of their prey.
All this has me re-evaluating Anna Wintour not as a powerful business-woman who's made her way to the top with savvy instincts but as a deeply flawed person with a frozen little black pebble for a heart.
Meanwhile, during the recent fashion week, fur has reigned supreme on the runways. The only bright spot was supplied by Karl "Der Kaiser" Lagerfeld's Chanel collection which featured models clad from head to toe in FAUX fur. Faux. Fake. Not real. Nothing had to be hunted, trapped and killed for these clothes- except maybe a few models.

New York magazine beat me to the punch here and did the Photoshopping so I didn't have to:

You go Karlbacca!!
I've even made a car just for you, Herr Kaiser...

Roll on! Chant down babylon! Self determination for all beings! The creator has a master plan!!!

Les Pandorox

Next stop Jupiter

Pixels in Babylon

MAN FUR!!!!

Can men's fashion get any more exciting??? I think when it comes to getting to the primal, heaving core of a man, nothing says "Man" quite like fur- just look at Fred Flintstone! Or Ringo Starr in "Caveman"- or any of the millions of people who used to live during the prehistoric age- they all wore fur and they were MANLY about it! I'm so glad the fashion runways have turned toward this timeless style- it's puffy and big and it's not like it hurts anybody or anything- so yeah! Yay! Go Fur! Get hella furry!! My favorite of this season has been Gianfranco Ferre who used lots and lots of fur- maybe he should change his name to Gianfranco Furre! Well, I'm a Ferre Bear now- that's for fur- I mean- for sure!! Here's a snap of his hottest, most primitive, most outdoorsy ensemble- love it! Everyone stop wearing fabric okay? It's all fur all the time for me! I'm gonna go skin a dog now and wear it on my face!

Grrrrr!!!!!

"I hear the birds of the city- outside they're working on the freeway"

All Hope Is Gone.

Yup- I'm talkin' bout the 2010 Fall collections currently showing- including loads of Menswear! In the great list of styles available to males we can now include Polar Explorer, Car Crash Victim and Big Tubby Giraffe Guy! Don't despair though- with the patented mind reading technology available to us here at BM2K we can actually read the thoughts of these poor models as they waddle down the runway. We've edited their thoughts down to exclude the "I thought being a male model was supposed to be cool!" that every one of them thought.
First up: the poor schmuck who had to break the Tubby Giraffe Guy look to the world for Armani- observe!



We also edited out his thoughts about why his shirt was all half-tucked in or whatever.
Next up: what will the modern eskimo be wearing on the slopes? Let's ask Thom Browne who can't seem to find pants that are long enough and his fetching models for Moncler Gamme Bleu- mon dieu!!




The real question I'd like to ask is where on Earth is cold enough to wear these things? Haven't they heard of Global Warming? Even people doing scientific research on the North Pole are like, "Hey, it's not that bad up here..." Maybe I'm just jealous because I always wanted a pair of moon boots. Is it cold enough on the moon? I dunno- look it up on Wikipedia or something.
Like Vanessa Williams I save the best for last- the twin geniuses of fashion who are Dsquared2 somehow brewed up a car crash/slasher film aesthetic for the modern man- complete with fake blood! Or maybe there was just a terrible fight backstage? Here's my fave-

Poor fella! At least you still have your self-respect... err...
Let's see D & D do their victory lap with what I'm guessing is Adam Lambert as some kind of fetish bird of paradise- yum!

Sorry you idiots he's in love with me! I like the pink triangles on the surgeons scrubs too- very... conceptual.
Tune in next week for more fashion week posts hot off the sidewalk! I'm gonna go hang myself now.

What To Wear pt.1

As a dude, most of the available styles equate instant douche-ness. Pretty much whatever way you go, you're hosed- overdo it and you're a Euro-douche in a bedazzled muscle shirt & hairgel- under-do it & you're a totally unremarkable scuzz-douche in sweats and a t-shirt that's too big. The best looks always come from the sub-cultures: metal, punk & reggae are the few reliable looks a guy can wear. Which is ironic because the only way to look authentic is to actually be authentic. Dig, a girl can change her look to snare a different dude but a dude has to find a look & stick with it. This implies a manly set of "core values"- if a dude is committed enough to grow long hair (or dreads) then he probably has some kind of spine in other matters as well. Feel free to discuss the long haired douche-bag in the comments. Meanwhile, all the best looks (and music) are already taken by the Rastas. Adding religion to your look is an instant bonus- just peep those dramatic habits worn by nuns! The Rastafarians of the Jamaican 70s had the messianic zeal look down pat- despite coming from enormously impoverished surroundings. So you wanna know what to wear & what to hear, listen no farther than the Musical Intimidator himself, Tapper Zukie. Here he is sipping chalice with the members of Knowledge (who's song "Zion" is a stone cold classic) in 1977 in Zukie's yard:


Dude on the right is so high his fly is still down on Earth but Zukie there in the middle is the spliff controller and looking every bit the top ranking producer.
Here's one more of Zukie in action- implausible as it sounds, he can sport the vest, hat, suit & all because he has Jah on his side. Truth is poor dudes know how to dress because something like a good suit is a really big deal. Slumming & 'downward mobility' aren't real popular in de ghetto. Seen?

And while you're here, give Zukie a spin on the Youtube- he sings (and dresses) with the conviction of a true believer. The Rastas look good because they're on a mission from God!


Escape from hell! Chant down Babylon!

What To Continue Not Wearing (part 2)

What's up with all the sweaters in high fashion these days? When I started a fashion blog I though I'd be all inundated with bondage gear & high heels- instead everyone (okay- NY Mag & style.com) is writing me about sweaters! Is this some kind of return to our rootsy, hand-made, poverty stricken national origins? I dunno but style.com was flippin a shit about the Proenza Schouler ski sweater collection- observe!

Wow! Getting pretty sexy out there! I once wore this to "da club" and someone asked me where my skis were- or maybe it was my "skeeze" anyway- I wondered how it would look "off the rack" and called in my faithful sweater model Tony Makem- maybe you've heard of him...

I dunno man, I'm still not feelin' it. A little further net-inquiry confirmed my suspicion that this aint no man-sweater after all- high fashion, like Secret deodorant, is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

So there you have it- no hopes for the slopes for me this year! Also, God, can't they find a skinny model? That girl is probably what, a size 1/2? God what a lard-ball.

What Not To Wear pt. 1

Saw that facionable enfant terribles Rodart are applying their shreddy/futuristic sense now to the wild frontier of men's sweaters- thank God! I was worried I'd hafta look like one of the Clancy brothers again at Christmas-

Don't get me wrong, I love the Clancy brothers (and Tony Makem) (and Christmas.)
What will the web-savvy, fashion forward son-in-law be wearing next Christmas? Well, clearly the aesthetic involves dragging Bill Cosby (or at least one of his sweaters) behind a bus for a few blocks!

At least they get points for having a model with neck tats and they call the line "Brodarte"- so that's kind of encouraging. Plus it introduces nipples into the heretofore nipple-less world of mens sweaters. So, we'll call it a draw.
What shall the net-enabled metrosexual male be wearing over his sweater? How about embroidered suit jackets by Dolce & Gabanna? Uhhh- do I have to?

So I guess that'll be like Reservoir Dogs meets Showgirls? The only one vaguely decent to me is the fella on the far right but that's probably only because his gold lame' sweater looks like a dookie chain from here- living proof that the only styles that a man can realistically wear are: skater, rude boy or hip hop.
According to this logic, the only man out there who can fulfill all three requirements (with an added reggae bonus)- is none other than SEAN PAUL!

There you have it- don't say I haven't given you anything this year. I'll be coasting for the next 11 months now. Happy 2011 when it comes!