Bloggermeister 2000

Photoshop Phun

2010-06-29T13:00:00.000-07:00

Starring Gnome Chomsky and Brian Emo!

Can a record of heartfelt linguistic angst be far behind???

More cover concepts

2010-06-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

For the upcoming Strangers rec.

still needs work?

Bunnyhenge Lost & Found

2010-06-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

As co-consiprator for Bunnyhenge Festival of the Rising Sun to Raise Awareness, I would like to thank everyone involved for making it such a warbling success. We couldn’t have done it without you- or we could have but there would have been fewer people. As former stage manager, I must alert everyone to the objects left behind in our Lost and Found section. Please alert me via internet to claim prizes.
*One large Tupperware container, possibly related to the silverware found nearby. Contact me to correctly identify silverware pattern. Top of container says “PORK STEW” Container is empty. There is no pork stew inside. Call to claim.
*One very nice beach blanket. Festive teal segments dance across a white terry cloth towel, festooned with accents of turquoise and lavender. Perfect for trips to the beach, the river, anywhere!
*One random holder of some sort on a strap. Possibly a camera bag? Very small black and red pouch with velcro & zippers, Maybe some sort of tiny purse? Suitable for indoor or outdoor use, whatever it is. Adjustable strap.
*One pair mens shorts. Black denim, size medium. Cut off hems for extra comfort. Found in the bushes by recycling. Denim is a non-recyclable fabric. Approximately $300 cash in back pocket. Email to claim.

Just kidding.
*One very nice, knitted baby hat. Tan color with wide brown knit brim. Baby-appropriate soft texture I am assuming it is baby hat. Size very small. May belong to non-baby participant with very small head. Did you see a baby-size head man with no pants at Bunnyhenge? Call for price.
*One small BOSS guitar tuner. Light brown color, unknown vintage. Perfect for guitar or bass. Runs on 2 AA batteries with easy to read LED indicators. Possibly left at Bunnyhenge by a musician. Non musicians will be required to play a complete song on a guitar to claim tuner.
*Another one pair mens shorts. Black cut-off Calvin Klein brand. Very nice pants, comes with complementary matching black men’s underwear from Target, brand Merona. Underwear may be for black man or white man. Underwear color black. Pants very worn-in and are my size. I don’t think these are my pants. Found hanging over railing by balcony, possibly drying out. Please send plastic bag with a stamped, self-addressed envelope for safe return of underwear.

*One very large glass pipe. Giant potato-sized hand-blown glass pipe, original contents missing. Ergonomic design with spiraling, multicolored glass spirals. Possibly left at Bunnyhenge by a musician. (Not me) Probably someone’s favorite pipe. Contact via “the vibes” to ensure safe return.
*One maraca. Very rhythmic, black plastic maraca, possibly filled with dried beans. Emits crunchy sound when shaken. Professional quality. Quantity one. Was there a man not wearing two pairs of cut-offs or underwear with a baby head smoking out of tune and no Tupperware and a holder and one maraca at Bunnyhenge? Contact me.
*One hideous green blanket. Sickly, pale green color, covered in dirt and riddled with moth holes. Liberally sprinkled with burrs, cigarette burns and unspecified stains. An abomination to all things blanket-like. Identify via email to claim.

UPDATE!!! One pair mens shorts have been claimed. Unclear if the claimed shorts are the ones with the money in them or not- will decide and return shorts to original owner at our discretion.

Cover Roughs

2010-06-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

For the upcoming Dazzling Strangers lp

It's Worse Than We Thought!!

2010-06-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

OMG!!

2010-03-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

Magellan galaxy & a friend

2010-03-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

You Otto be in pictures

2010-03-18T15:56:00.000-07:00

Space is the place

2010-03-12T14:40:00.001-08:00

Fur-ious

2010-03-11T12:18:00.000-08:00

So over the weekend I saw "The September Issue" and trooly I was glamorized by all the shiny objects and skinny people making big decisions. I've always associated fashion and rich snobs with New York and therefore with my youth & escapism. Even the couple of trips I'd made to New York City & my time as a resident of Manhattan were pretty glossy in an indie-rock kind of way. I never went to Brooklyn- I barely even made it out of the Village in my 2 months of living there! I subscribed to Vogue for a while when we moved out to the sticks and wrote a song for Anne Hathaway after seeing "The Devil Wears Prada". (It's called 'Annie' and is not about Anna Wintour.) That said, I even kinda dug Anna Wintour and her giant bob and tiny bird-like shoulders and relentless perfectionism. That is, until later in the weekend as I fell asleep during a pretty-heavy pot cookie buzz. It came to me out of the dim visuals I was having on the couch: Anna Wintour loves FUR. Anna Wintour is probably the biggest fur advocate on the planet (excluding bears & tigers & stuff like that.) Anna Wintour is an advocate of trapping, killing and skinning countless animals for a completely frivolous product. Fur is inhumane on all levels. Whether the animals are considered endangered or not is beside the point. The fur trade causes unnecessary suffering for animals all over the planet. Fur is the ultimate extension of vanity eclipsing compassion. It's not warmer than modern synthetic fabrics- when professional mountain climbers or search-and-rescue teams go to work in arctic environments, they don't wear fur. It's a neurotic extension of humanity's desire to hold dominion over the natural world. In the wild, animals kill each other and eat each other but they don't parade around in the skin of their prey.
All this has me re-evaluating Anna Wintour not as a powerful business-woman who's made her way to the top with savvy instincts but as a deeply flawed person with a frozen little black pebble for a heart.
Meanwhile, during the recent fashion week, fur has reigned supreme on the runways. The only bright spot was supplied by Karl "Der Kaiser" Lagerfeld's Chanel collection which featured models clad from head to toe in FAUX fur. Faux. Fake. Not real. Nothing had to be hunted, trapped and killed for these clothes- except maybe a few models.

New York magazine beat me to the punch here and did the Photoshopping so I didn't have to:

You go Karlbacca!!
I've even made a car just for you, Herr Kaiser...

Roll on! Chant down babylon! Self determination for all beings! The creator has a master plan!!!

Les Pandorox

2010-03-09T14:44:00.000-08:00

Next stop Jupiter

2010-03-05T14:46:00.000-08:00

Pixels in Babylon

2010-03-03T14:30:00.000-08:00

MAN FUR!!!!

2010-01-28T15:00:00.000-08:00

Can men's fashion get any more exciting??? I think when it comes to getting to the primal, heaving core of a man, nothing says "Man" quite like fur- just look at Fred Flintstone! Or Ringo Starr in "Caveman"- or any of the millions of people who used to live during the prehistoric age- they all wore fur and they were MANLY about it! I'm so glad the fashion runways have turned toward this timeless style- it's puffy and big and it's not like it hurts anybody or anything- so yeah! Yay! Go Fur! Get hella furry!! My favorite of this season has been Gianfranco Ferre who used lots and lots of fur- maybe he should change his name to Gianfranco Furre! Well, I'm a Ferre Bear now- that's for fur- I mean- for sure!! Here's a snap of his hottest, most primitive, most outdoorsy ensemble- love it! Everyone stop wearing fabric okay? It's all fur all the time for me! I'm gonna go skin a dog now and wear it on my face!

Grrrrr!!!!!

"I hear the birds of the city- outside they're working on the freeway"

2010-01-27T11:22:00.000-08:00

All Hope Is Gone.

2010-01-21T13:04:00.000-08:00

Yup- I'm talkin' bout the 2010 Fall collections currently showing- including loads of Menswear! In the great list of styles available to males we can now include Polar Explorer, Car Crash Victim and Big Tubby Giraffe Guy! Don't despair though- with the patented mind reading technology available to us here at BM2K we can actually read the thoughts of these poor models as they waddle down the runway. We've edited their thoughts down to exclude the "I thought being a male model was supposed to be cool!" that every one of them thought.
First up: the poor schmuck who had to break the Tubby Giraffe Guy look to the world for Armani- observe!

We also edited out his thoughts about why his shirt was all half-tucked in or whatever.
Next up: what will the modern eskimo be wearing on the slopes? Let's ask Thom Browne who can't seem to find pants that are long enough and his fetching models for Moncler Gamme Bleu- mon dieu!!

The real question I'd like to ask is where on Earth is cold enough to wear these things? Haven't they heard of Global Warming? Even people doing scientific research on the North Pole are like, "Hey, it's not that bad up here..." Maybe I'm just jealous because I always wanted a pair of moon boots. Is it cold enough on the moon? I dunno- look it up on Wikipedia or something.
Like Vanessa Williams I save the best for last- the twin geniuses of fashion who are Dsquared2 somehow brewed up a car crash/slasher film aesthetic for the modern man- complete with fake blood! Or maybe there was just a terrible fight backstage? Here's my fave-

Poor fella! At least you still have your self-respect... err...
Let's see D & D do their victory lap with what I'm guessing is Adam Lambert as some kind of fetish bird of paradise- yum!

Sorry you idiots he's in love with me! I like the pink triangles on the surgeons scrubs too- very... conceptual.
Tune in next week for more fashion week posts hot off the sidewalk! I'm gonna go hang myself now.

What To Wear pt.1

2010-01-13T16:06:00.000-08:00

As a dude, most of the available styles equate instant douche-ness. Pretty much whatever way you go, you're hosed- overdo it and you're a Euro-douche in a bedazzled muscle shirt & hairgel- under-do it & you're a totally unremarkable scuzz-douche in sweats and a t-shirt that's too big. The best looks always come from the sub-cultures: metal, punk & reggae are the few reliable looks a guy can wear. Which is ironic because the only way to look authentic is to actually be authentic. Dig, a girl can change her look to snare a different dude but a dude has to find a look & stick with it. This implies a manly set of "core values"- if a dude is committed enough to grow long hair (or dreads) then he probably has some kind of spine in other matters as well. Feel free to discuss the long haired douche-bag in the comments. Meanwhile, all the best looks (and music) are already taken by the Rastas. Adding religion to your look is an instant bonus- just peep those dramatic habits worn by nuns! The Rastafarians of the Jamaican 70s had the messianic zeal look down pat- despite coming from enormously impoverished surroundings. So you wanna know what to wear & what to hear, listen no farther than the Musical Intimidator himself, Tapper Zukie. Here he is sipping chalice with the members of Knowledge (who's song "Zion" is a stone cold classic) in 1977 in Zukie's yard:

Dude on the right is so high his fly is still down on Earth but Zukie there in the middle is the spliff controller and looking every bit the top ranking producer.
Here's one more of Zukie in action- implausible as it sounds, he can sport the vest, hat, suit & all because he has Jah on his side. Truth is poor dudes know how to dress because something like a good suit is a really big deal. Slumming & 'downward mobility' aren't real popular in de ghetto. Seen?

And while you're here, give Zukie a spin on the Youtube- he sings (and dresses) with the conviction of a true believer. The Rastas look good because they're on a mission from God!

Escape from hell! Chant down Babylon!

What To Continue Not Wearing (part 2)

2010-01-06T12:50:00.000-08:00

What's up with all the sweaters in high fashion these days? When I started a fashion blog I though I'd be all inundated with bondage gear & high heels- instead everyone (okay- NY Mag & style.com) is writing me about sweaters! Is this some kind of return to our rootsy, hand-made, poverty stricken national origins? I dunno but style.com was flippin a shit about the Proenza Schouler ski sweater collection- observe!

Wow! Getting pretty sexy out there! I once wore this to "da club" and someone asked me where my skis were- or maybe it was my "skeeze" anyway- I wondered how it would look "off the rack" and called in my faithful sweater model Tony Makem- maybe you've heard of him...

I dunno man, I'm still not feelin' it. A little further net-inquiry confirmed my suspicion that this aint no man-sweater after all- high fashion, like Secret deodorant, is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

So there you have it- no hopes for the slopes for me this year! Also, God, can't they find a skinny model? That girl is probably what, a size 1/2? God what a lard-ball.

What Not To Wear pt. 1

2010-01-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

Saw that facionable enfant terribles Rodart are applying their shreddy/futuristic sense now to the wild frontier of men's sweaters- thank God! I was worried I'd hafta look like one of the Clancy brothers again at Christmas-

Don't get me wrong, I love the Clancy brothers (and Tony Makem) (and Christmas.)
What will the web-savvy, fashion forward son-in-law be wearing next Christmas? Well, clearly the aesthetic involves dragging Bill Cosby (or at least one of his sweaters) behind a bus for a few blocks!

At least they get points for having a model with neck tats and they call the line "Brodarte"- so that's kind of encouraging. Plus it introduces nipples into the heretofore nipple-less world of mens sweaters. So, we'll call it a draw.
What shall the net-enabled metrosexual male be wearing over his sweater? How about embroidered suit jackets by Dolce & Gabanna? Uhhh- do I have to?

So I guess that'll be like Reservoir Dogs meets Showgirls? The only one vaguely decent to me is the fella on the far right but that's probably only because his gold lame' sweater looks like a dookie chain from here- living proof that the only styles that a man can realistically wear are: skater, rude boy or hip hop.
According to this logic, the only man out there who can fulfill all three requirements (with an added reggae bonus)- is none other than SEAN PAUL!

There you have it- don't say I haven't given you anything this year. I'll be coasting for the next 11 months now. Happy 2011 when it comes!

Fast Forward to 2010 Selector!

2009-12-31T11:51:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year y'all!

Top 10 Records for 2009.

2009-12-28T17:37:00.000-08:00

As a male record geek, it is my genetic perogative to order things in an imaginary hierarchy. This way, if the shit goes down and Eric Clapton really does have a fist fight with Jimi Hendrix or Spacemen 3 get in a back-alley brawl with Led Zeppelin, I can say I predicted who would be the victor. Even if GI Joe were to fight Transformers 2, I would have my odds predetermined, but that's for another list. Here's the records released this year that rocked my small boat in their own special way.

1. DIAGONAL- Diagonal. With just about every possible sub-genre strip mined by indie rock this year, Brighton 6-piece Diagonal went into hyperspace and came back with a prog rock/space jazz fusion that put them light years ahead of the competitors. Sounding more like Van Der Graff Generator than Grizzlybeardeerhuntereaglewhatever- they have both the chops and the imagination to make a record that most bands just don't got the vision to do. Bonus points for recording it at Toe Rag Studio and for being such good looking geeks as well. Expect more blog posts about them in the coming years.

2. NOISETTES- Wild Young Hearts. I would have totally overlooked this record had a friend not sent me a cd-r of it and I was instantly hooked. Basically they made the new wave record the Yeah Yeah Yeahs wished they had, the disco record the Gossip wished they made and the futuristic take on the '50s that Janelle Monae wished she had made- all on one record! Truly the Noisettes left the competition in the dust whether anyone knows it or not- and they did it with strong songwriting, innovative production and the catchy-est pop songs of the year. Your time will come Noisettes- keep on pushing.

Video enabling disabled but you can peep um here
3. FRANZ FERDINAND- Blood. Now, this is BLOOD- the dub remix of their "Tonight" album. I thought Tonight was good but kinda did the same retread dance that everyone else made this year (sorry Tegan & Sara!!). But Blood was an entirely different proposition- remixed by Mr. Dan (who's supposedly done mixes for Lee Scratch Perry) it stripped off Franz' disco layers to reveal some tasty non-cliched reggae beats. All I listened to this year was vintage reggae so anyone with an update on the sound was a welcome addition- thank you Mr Franz & Mr Dan!

4. 5 YEARS OF HYPERDUB- compilation. Similarly, the Hyperdub label compiled their best singles of the last 5 years (along with a second disc of newies) for an introduction to Dubstep that updates the concept of dub for the 21st century. Crispy, spacious beats, weird warbled vocals and loads & loads of BASS. This the spiritual offspring of Scratch & King Tubby making music on laptops in the heart of Babylondon. If retrospective compilations aren't allowed than I posit that "Memories of the Future" by Kode9 & Spaceape can be substituted. Again- gimme the fucking future!

5. THE BLACK CROWES- Before the frost/Until the Freeze- Ooops! What did I just say about the future? This is about as retro as a band can sound in 2009- recorded live in Levon Helm's barn, the Black Crowes delivered on two promises. One, they made a caning jam rock album that wipes the floor with My Morning Jacket and they made their trippy/acoustic opus with Until the Freeze. Bonus points for packaging that includes a sticker, download card (for Until the Freeze) and a cool looking black CD made to look like a record. Who sez CDs are dying? I paid full price & felt like I was getting a bargain. The soundtrack to late summer afternoons drinking beer & sanding the paint off my BMW in the yard.

6. THE HORRORS- Primary Colors. As technology moves forward it's getting easier & easier to sound exactly like My Bloody Valentine. The Horrors won points for embracing both periods of MBV- the shoegazer phase and the early geek/rockabilly phase. Extra points awarded for making their intellectual shortcomings into savant-like pop music. Produced by the dude from Portishead, which explains alot about the progression of their sound in my opinion. But what do I know?

7. IMELDA MAY- Love Tattoo. Speaking of rockabilly, Imelda May updated the genre in a way Amy Winehouse wishes she'd thought of first. Irish former burlesque dancer with a fantastic voice and Victory Curl hairdo, what's not to like? As I got more into car culture, excuse me, kar kulture this year, I got more into rockabilly and this is the only new record that celebrates the history and doesnt make me cringe.

8. THE SPIRES- A Way Of Seeing. I first heard Ventura's Spires about 3 years ago and every year they've had a release in my top 10. Think Felt & the Go-Betweens wrapped in a giant Velvet Underground burrito together with a dash of Smiths salsa on top. Great lyrics, amazing guitar playing, steady beats, if the Spires weren't already a band someone would have to start them because their particular vintage of indie rock never goes out of style. Rumor is they're already working on another e.p. for next year, I'll reserve um a spot in the top 10.

9. BOB DYLAN- Christmas in the Heart. Yup. This came on like seeing your favorite old, weird uncle at the usual boring family Christmas party. Rather than embarrassing everyone, he sits at the piano with a drink and sings his old hobo heart out. Possibly my favorite Christmas album since Jacob Miller's "Natty Christmas". Bonus points for the Olivia/Bettie Page pin-up on the inner sleeve to thumb the nose at the Christians- well done Bob!

10. ACE FREHLEY- Anomaly. I've loved Ace Frehley since 1978 and I was overjoyed to see he's cleaned up for the first time ever and released a proper follow-up to his original Kiss solo album. As a song-writer the guy isn't exactly Leonard Cohen but as a guitarist he's still Ace Frehley which gives him spiritual royalties on everything from Guitar Hero to the International Air Guitar Championships. Kiss made a good showing too with their "Sonic Boom" album but lost big points for having Tommy Thayer wear Ace's makeup- sorry Gene, there's only one Ace!

There they are, the graduating class of 2009.

For the most part though, all I've really listened to this year is old school reggae and a bit of metal. The Trojan box sets are a screaming deal- the Dub Rarities, Roots & Culture, Revive & Country Reggae & DJ boxes don't have a bad track on um and average 50 singles over 3 discs at about $20 each and it's the greatest music ever made. If reggae gets co-opted by indie rockers in 2010, don't blame me.

Jah survive!

I'm already famous.

2009-12-28T16:29:00.000-08:00

Just one day of operation and we've already got some very famous fans. Maybe you've heard of Blair Waldorf and her alter ego....

Leighton Meestermeister!!
And speaking of unsightly old hags who terrorise the Upper East Side- our other big fan is none other than...

Mick Jaggermeister! Lead singer of the Olding Bones and a big fan of the tipple if you catch my drift!!
Tune in tomorrow for more intermadness!!

BEHOLD!

2009-12-28T14:41:00.001-08:00

More glorious and more dread than from no fall

2009-12-28T13:50:00.000-08:00

Mee though just right, and the fixt Laws of Heav'n
Did first create your Leader, next, free choice,
With what besides, in Counsel or in Fight,
Hath bin achievd of merit, yet this loss
Thus farr at least recover'd, hath much more
Establisht in a safe unenvied Throne
Yeilded with full consent.

This is the sample text taken from the template made by Blogger & I thought it would be an appropriate first post to capture the gravity and the pageantry of starting another blog. "Hath bin achievd of merit, yet this loss thus farr at least recover'd" indeed bro! Party on King James!